Category: Interesting Stuff

Funny Jokes For Kids, written by Kids

funny jokes for kids

Here are a few jokes for kids that were written by kids. All of these jokes are two liner jokes in question and answer format. Some of them also contain puns (a pun on words). A pun is the use of different possible meanings for a word or using words that sound alike but don’t mean the same thing.

For example, if someone tells you a pun you could respond by saying “You’re not very punny”.

Q: What does my dog do when he goes to bed?
A: He reads a bite-time story.

Q: What do dogs do when watching a DVD?
A: They press paws.

Q: Why can’t dogs drive?
A: They can’t find a barking space.

Q: Why did the banana go to the hospital?
A: It was not peeling very well.

Q: Why did the burglar rob a bakery?
A: He needed the dough.

Q: What vitamin helps you to see?
A: Vitamin C.

Q: Why did the ice cream cone take karate lessons?
A: It was tired of getting licked.

Q: How do you make fire with two sticks?
A: Make sure one is a match.

Q: Why did the belt go to jail?
A: He held up a pair of pants.

Q: How to hair stylists speed up their job?
A: They take short cuts.

Q: Why can’t you tell a joke while you’re standing on ice?
A: Because it might crack up.

Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth.
A: A gummy bear.

Q: Where do you put barking dogs?
A: In a barking lot.

Q: Why didn’t Cinderella make the basketball team?
A: She ran away from the ball.

Q: Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance?
A: He had no body to go with.

Q: Who can shave six times a day and still have a beard.
A: A Barber.

Q: What stays in the corner but goes around the world?
A: A stamp.

Q: Where do burgers like to dance.
A: A meatball.

Q: What day to chickens hate most.
A: Fry-days

Q: What kind of shoes to frogs wear?
A: Open Toad.

Q: What goes up but never comes down?
A: Your age.

Q: Why don’t ducks ever have spare change?
A: They only carry bills.

Q: Why was the math book sad.
A: It had too many problems.

Q: Why did the student eat his homework?
A: Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake.

Q: Where do mummies go swimming?
A: The Dead Sea.

Q: What do rabbits do when they get married?
A: They go on a bunnymoon.

Q: What do you get when an bad rabbit sits on your hair?
A: A dad dare Day.

Q: What kind of table can you eat?
A: A vege-table,

Q: When do you stop at green and go at red?
A: When you’re eating a watermelon.

Q: Why did the girl nibble on her calender?
A: She wanted a sundae.

Q: What do you call two banana peels?
A: A pair of slippers.

Q: What happens when you tell an egg a kids joke like this one?
A: It cracks up.

Q: What do you take before a meal?
A: A seat.

Q: What looks like half a donkey.
A: The other half of a donkey.

Q: How does a lion greet other animals in wild?
A: Please to eat you.

Q: What do you call a woman who crawls up walls?
A: Ivy.

Q: What did the tree wear to the beach party?
A: Swimming trunks.

Q: Why did the leaf go to the doctor?
A: It was feeling a bit green.

Q: What kind of tree can you put in your hand?
A: A palm tree.

Q: How to trees connect with the internet?
A: They log in.

Q: What kind of fruit to trees like the most?
A: Pineapples.

Q: What to elephants and trees have in common.
A: They both have trunks.

Q: What did the chef name is son?
A: Stew.

Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t work?
A: A stick.

Q: Where do horses live?
A: In neigh-borhoods.

Q: Why did the football coach go to the bank?
A: To get his quarterback.

Q: Why did the melon jump in the lake.
A: He wanted to be a watermelon.

Q: Why did the opera singer go sailing.
A: Because she wanted to hit the high C’s.

Q: Why was the basketball game so hot?
A: Because all the fans left.

Q: What do you call a story about a broken pencil.
A: Pointless.

Q: Why was the girl sitting on her watch.
A: Because she wanted to be on time.

Q: What animal can jump higher than a house?
A: Any animal. A house can’t jump.

Q: How do you spot a modern spider?
A: He doesn’t have a web, he has a website.

Q: What are the strongest creatures in the ocean?
A: Mussels.

Q: Why are pianos hard to open?
A: The keys are inside.

Q: When do astronauts eat?
A: At launch time.

Q: Why do cowboys ride horses?
A: Because they are too heavy to carry.

Q: Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?
A: To see how long he slept.

Q: Why did the girl give her pony cough syrup?
A: It was a little horse.

Q: What did the lawyer name is daughter?
A: Sue.

Q: What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?

Q: How do you mend a broken pumpkin?
A: With a pumpkin patch.

Q: What’s the only school where you have to drop out to graduate?
A: Skydiving school.

Q: In what school do you learn how to greet people?
A: Hi school.

© Please feel free to share these jokes on to friends or to a class
at school but do not re-publish online.

If you would like to submit an original joke for this page, please contact us. Safe Search Kids believes that children all over the world are very creative and often think of very clever jokes that other kids would enjoy.  If we like yours, we will publish it here.

Share these Funny Jokes using one of the sharing tools below.

How this Writer is Coping with the Death of her Cat

Internet Cats

I want to tell you about BOSS. Boss was an awesome kitten, born in a closet at a friend’s house with four other equally awesome kittens. After a few months, all were adopted to good homes except this stunning tabby male who always ran out to meet me whenever I stopped in to visit.

Initially, I didn’t want Boss. I had a dog and a busy life and didn’t think I needed another animal.

Still, Boss was persistent, lunging across the carpet, leaping at me to dig his claws into my socks then look up at me and purr. His persistence and innate cuteness won me over. I took him home.

Boss was named Boss because I seemingly had no say in the matter. He was Boss and I was suddenly just someone with opposable thumbs who could open cans of cat food. For a couple of days, Boss tormented my rescued dog, Lucky. It took time and patience but Boss, Lucky and I were soon a family, all jumping into the same bed at night.

One night, Boss didn’t come home. Something bad had happened on a frigid night in January. For a week, me and a roommate wandered the streets, calling his name. We figured he might be dead, but we held out hope. Being brave and strong, we decided to draw a thick line after one week. After one week, if Boss was still missing, we would accept reality, admit the loss in our lives and admit that Boss was dead.

But he wasn’t.

Boss crawled–CRAWLED–back home at four o’clock in the morning exactly one week after going missing. He had either been hit by a car or attached by a dog, but his back leg had been ripped from his skeleton and hung on by skin. I didn’t care about the cost. Me, the roommate and my dog both hugged and loved up that cat all night. In the morning, Boss went to a vet. Luckily, experimental surgery gave him the use of his damaged leg. A couple months after that, Boss was sitting on the front stoop of my house, hissing at dogs that passed by and, on one occasion, attacking a Norwegian Elkhound who had the misfortune of wandering onto my yard. Boss protected me and the dogs in my life. He was a cat-god. I loved him.

My roommate moved away, but on occasion would come to my house simply to cuddle with Boss and find comfort in his powerful purrs.

When Boss turned 16, he became sickly and refused to eat. The vet determined that my beloved Boss was diabetic. Every morning, my awesome Boss would hear me pop open the plastic container I used to store the insulin. He would hunker down and wait for the injection in the scruff of his neck. Then he would go out and be the gangster cat that we knew him to be. Boss was exceptional. He was protective, snugly, funny and a joy in my life.

But all life must end. After two years of being a diabetic, Boss’s body again failed. He could no longer eat or even drink water. After a weekend in the veterinarian clinic, the doctor there told me that Boss wasn’t going to recover. He would soon starve to death. With a friend at my side, I took my old cat in my arms and accepted the vet’s advice. Tears streamed down my face as I told the vet to put Boss to sleep forever.

Yes, this writer intentionally caused the death of this fabulous, wonderful pet. Does that statement reflect the truth of the situation? No. Not anywhere near the truth. It was an action was the kind, humane thing to do.

Death is not an easy subject, yet it’s important to deal it with openly rather than bottling up your feelings inside.  Here’s an important story about Wally and Wuzzy and how one boy dealt with his loss.

Families benefit greatly from having a pet, despite the fact that owners outlive them.  Families with children should choose their pet carefully, especially dogs who have so many different breeds.

Bookmark and Share