Why Teenagers Hide Their Mental Health Struggles From Their Parents?

Imagine a scenario where you dine together with your teenager. The food is hot, the place is silent, and everything seems peaceful. While dining, you chitchat with them about “how their day was,” which they always answer as “okay” or “perfect”. You ask if there is anything that is not right, but get a reply like “nothing.” Without further ado, the conversation comes to an end.

You shake it off and move on. However, later you see them laughing at a meme on their phone or breaking into laughter at something on TV, and you feel like telling yourself, “Look at that, they are just fine. I was just imagining things.” Therefore, you let it slide.

That was not it, though. A smile is not always a confirmation that everything is alright. Almost all teenagers have become adept at the art of pretending like everything is perfect on the outside, whereas, in reality, they might be carrying a heavy mental burden. Instead of sharing their pain with you, they would rather take care of it on their own.

This is not an isolated affair. This happens in millions of homes every single day. It is not because your teenager does not love you or you are a bad parent. This is because there is something in their mind that tells them that it is best to be quiet rather than say something.

Though actually, what is the real issue here? Why do many teenagers prefer the option of keeping their own mental health struggles to themselves, rather than just going to the next room and talking to the person (aka their ‘parents’) they are most comfortable with? Let’s understand it here.

It is not about the ‘stigma’ associated with mental health

For a long time, it has been thought that youths kept quiet about it because they were embarrassed about their mental health issues or feared being “crazy” or “weak” and excluded by others. But the truth is not as terrible as it sounds.

The current teenage generation has always talked about the topic of mental health openly. It is in their schools, their social media sites, and the programs they watch. Shame is still a factor for some, yes, but it’s not the main reason young people become silent.

The exact causes are not so flashy but more personal, and yes, they are somewhat heartbreaking.

• They do not think you will understand:

A study by the American Psychiatric Association Publishing involving 1,428 teenagers aged 13-17 across the United States revealed that the major factor in why they avoid sharing their mental health struggles is that they believe their parents ‘will not get what they are going through’.

As a parent, how about if you were in their shoes? You are already finding it difficult to express your feelings in a better way. You are already doubting if you are truly going through it. Then you picture yourself saying it, and instantly, you come to the conclusion that they do not understand. For this reason, you close the door to conversation even without opening it.

This is not a perpetrator’s or a parent’s attack. This is just the way teenagers are at this moment in their lives. They feel like their world is different, their problems are different, and the gap between their experience and yours feels too wide to cross.

• They are afraid you will try to fix it instead of just listening:

49% of teenagers in the same study reported that they hide mental health struggles from parents because they know they will go directly to problem-solving mode. They will advise, suggest, or convey something like “you need to do as I say.”

Keep in mind that there is a big difference between being listened to and being helped. When the parent immediately moves on to fixing, the teenager feels like their emotions are a burden to be solved rather than a feeling to be understood. Thus, next time, a teenager prefers to keep it to themselves.

• They are uncomfortable with the feelings themselves:

Sometimes, they do not even mind admitting ‘they are struggling’. Sometimes, they avoid you because they do not feel well with what is actually going on in their own heads or have no words for it. Plus, they do not know how to tell what they feel. Everything is too hard and confusing for them to put together into a sentence.

About 42% of the teenagers in the same study admitted this statement. This is by no means a sign of weakness. But they have not yet gained the skills of understanding the language of pain. They use the technique of burying or warping, which means they push issues aside until they are over and the issues resolve themselves. They do not shun you, but they are shunning the emotion.

• They do not want to be a burden:

The hardest part for many parents is the fact that children might keep silent because they care for them and want to protect them. They see you working hard, stressed, and carrying everything you already have. It’s like, ‘I can’t add my feelings to this’. Almost half of those teenagers in the study admitted that the possibility of burdening their parents makes them anxious. In the case of LGBTQ+ teens, this number was even higher, as revealed by many studies.

Do not think that they are pushing you away. They are trying to shield you. That is because they love you, delivered through a seemingly silent response.

• They worry the conversation will go wrong:

The teenager has already seen the whole scenario played out in their head a hundred times before even the first words have come out. Quite often the scenario that plays out will have a bad ending.

• What if you panic and overreact?
• What if you tell someone else?
• What if you bring it up in almost every argument from now on?
• What if you make it worse?

These are their true fears, although they appear to be far-fetched to you. Still, many teenagers from this study revealed they kept silent for fear that parents would make the situation worse or act in a way that is out of control.

Some teenagers face even bigger walls:

Not every teenager sees their obstacles and struggles the same way. Research by the Journal of Springer Nature Link has shown that Hispanic and Black teenagers, as well as those of LGBTQ+ status, deal with a lot more barriers than others.

• For Hispanic teens, not wanting to bring shame or despair to the family is a contributing factor.

• Black teens point out that they have a deep distrust, thinking that either their sorrows will be seen as a joke or as less serious.

• LGBTQ+ teens feel too much shame for not being “normal,” which is what makes the fear even higher for them.

These are not just minor issues but different layers of the life experience that make the already important act of asking for help seem nearly impossible. These children are not hard to reach. However, they do need more safety, more trust, and more genuine understanding before they can open up.

Parents are still the first choice, but the gap is there:

Despite all the things mentioned above, the study also demonstrated that 87% of those surveyed teenagers said they would turn to their parents first if they were dealing with sadness or depression. Parents are the ones who come before friends, before school counselors, and before mental health professionals.

This is proof that the bond is still strong. Love is still there. The door is just not yet open. It’s just reached a stuck point now. This is not due to distance or disrespect. It’s usually fear of not being heard, and very hard conversations keep them silent.

This is a gap that is meant to be bridged and can be.

So where does a psychiatrist come in?

At times, a teenager’s sadness or unease is not just ordinary tension. Sometimes the issues they have are real, clinical, and deeply rooted concerns that go beyond what a parent, a friend, or any school counselor might be skilled at helping. That is no one’s fault. It’s the way mental pressure looks.

A psychiatrist is not some person who sets up in their freezing office and sticks labels on your teen. A board-certified psychiatrist is a medical doctor who has attained the highest level of education and training in the mental health field. They understand what goes on inside a young person’s struggling mind that is often skipped by parents (please don’t take it offensively; as a dentist is required for tooth care, same as a psychiatrist is there for mental health care help). They provide an environment where the teenager knows that they cannot be a say on someone, or be misunderstood, or have their conversation against them in the future. It is the teenagers’ own place.

Furthermore, a psychiatrist can help teenagers do something that many of them expressed in the study that they require the most: find the language. Find the words for what they are feeling and learn how to talk about hard emotions.

Note that professional psychiatric care is not the last option but rather the means that brings teenagers back and reconnects them with the ones they love. Nowadays, teenagers can easily receive mental health care, as they find help just one screen away from them. For example, GABA Telepsychiatry allows parents and children to reach out for expert psychiatric assistance 24/7 from a board-certified child psychiatrist online. This also allows them to get the expert help they need at every stage of their development, whenever and wherever they need it.

What can actually help right now?

If you are a parent reading this, know that you don’t have to have a perfect script. A few slight changes can do the work perfectly.

• Ask without expecting the answer. Let them know that the door is open without pressuring them.

• Listen to understand rather than to reply. Save the advice for the moment when they will ask for it.

• Make feelings a part of everyday talk. Don’t save it till the crisis moment.

If the difficulties seem to be more than they can handle, involve a professional without it seeming like a punishment or a failure on their part.

Your child is not hiding away from you because they do not need you. They are keeping a distance because they are afraid, feel uneasy, and are not sure that the conversation that will be initiated will end well. The positive part is that this feeling is not permanent. It can be changed. It is a mission worth combining.

The silence is not the end of the story. It is only the point of talking about the story as it is right now.

Author Bio:

Mike is a medical writer. He is passionate about mental health, especially for children, teens, and families facing emotional and behavioral challenges. To learn more, visit https://gabapsychiatrist.com/. 

References:

• Modi K, Mullen MG, Tolode K, Erickson-Schroth L, Hurley K, MacPhee J. Why Teens Don’t Talk: Understanding the Role of Stigma Within Barriers to Help Seeking. Focus (Am Psychiatr Publ). 2025 Jan;23(1):25-32. doi: 10.1176/appi.focus.20240029. Epub 2025 Jan 15. PMID: 39776463; PMCID: PMC11701813.

• Chia, J.M.X., Choo, C.K.L., Vijayakumar, S. et al. Children’s Mental Health Distress and Barriers to Help-Seeking: Insights from the Tinkle Friend Chatline. Child Youth Care Forum 55, 565–587 (2026). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10566-025-09897-x

• Daskalska L, Nelson D, Smith J, Young S. Access to mental health care for Black and Latino teens with anxiety and depression: a qualitative study. Discov Ment Health. 2025 Apr 24;5(1):61. doi: 10.1007/s44192-025-00190-w. PMID: 40272643; PMCID: PMC12022193.