Safe Search Kids - Education, Parenting, Internet Safety for All

Consent has always been a controversial topic for many reasons. Since childhood, adults have indoctrinated a certain mindset into children that anybody can hug or kiss them. Often around us, we see grandparents, uncles, or aunts being physically affectionate to a clearly uncomfortable toddler.

These situations often create a tantrum if the child refuses unwanted physical affection, no matter how well intentioned or loving.

Growing up, young adults are taught to accept affection from their spouses or partners no matter how they feel since they have a “right” on each other. Being physical is often stressful and traumatizing for people who go through that without consent.

Most of the times, being affectionate without consent can go borderline with physical/sexual abuse, and the very reason for its development is lack of awareness. Seeking consent is still a foreign concept in most societies, and it needs to desperately be normalized now more than ever.

Why it’s necessary to teach consent to kids

It is essential to teach the concept of consent to kids to practice it fully when they reach adulthood. A lot of children are unaware of their bodily autonomy, and it leads to dangerous circumstances. Taking control of your body and saying “no” when something makes you uncomfortable goes a long way into self-care and protection.

Every parent must teach their children consent in a way that is clear to them. It may take some practice and a bit of backlash from certain people, but it will be worth it in the long run. Some of the easy ways to teach consent to your children are mentioned below:

Easy ways to familiarize kids with consent:

Teaching children about consent is essential for protecting them from potential harm and ensuring their safety. Oberheiden offers expert legal support to help victims of sexual abuse in schools navigate the legal system and seek justice for their experiences. Here are some ways you can guide your children protect themselves and others around them.

1. Good Touch vs Bad Touch:

The very basic concept about consent is the topic of good and bad touch. We need to start telling children where and how people are allowed to touch them, that too when they’re okay with it.

Use visuals to make them understand it better. Always check up on your child, and ask them casually if anyone has been touching them inappropriately. Keep an eye on the people around them, even if it is your closest family or friends. Also, be open to their questions to clear any confusions.

2. Hugging or touching a friend:

Always teach them to seek permission from their friends before hugging or touching them. It will create compassion for others and care for their bodily autonomy at a very young age. And when their friends reject their permission for physical affection, teach them that it is perfectly okay to do so.

Being offended at somebody else’s bodily autonomy has been normalized so much that it is essential to teach your child the opposite as soon as possible.

3. Ask for their consent before touching:

Just like they need to seek permission from their friends before touching them, you need to follow the exact same thing with your child. Ask them before hugging, kissing, or touching them, and make sure they allow you before you proceed.

A child has just as many rights on their body as much as you do on yours. This also strengthens communication between the two, as both parties are clear about what they want.

4. Teach them to say “no”:

Ensure your child is equipped with the words “no” and “stop” at a very tender age. This will ensure that whoever touches them without their consent, family or not, they have the strength and knowledge to speak up about it and to say “no”. People will definitely be offended, but it is not worth losing your child’s bodily autonomy.

Children should definitely be taught to be verbally expressive, be it for consent, their emotions, or their troubles. It is always a good idea to express yourself without feeling any hindrance in your ability to do so. For example, speaking up when someone violates your bodily autonomy is always a good idea.

5. Create a healthy space between you and your kid:

Many parents believe that they have a right over their children, making them trespass any healthy boundary that they should have with their children. For example, it is considered inappropriate when parents knock on their child’s door before entering their room instead of just barging unannounced.

The truth is, such healthy spaces create a sense of consent and autonomy that helps them grow more robust and more independent in future. Moreover, when you create a healthy distance between you and your kids, you teach them that they have value. In this way, you teach them respect and a sense of responsibility at a very young age.

6. Do not allow anyone to force affection on your kid:

Young children may be too young and scared to say it themselves, but when you see ANYONE forcing themselves on your kid, put a stop to it immediately. Make sure your child sees and hears you standing up for them, so they know you are there for them and sees you as a protective figure.

According to Darkness to Light child sexual abuse statistics,  30% of child sexual abuse cases arise from within families, and over 90% of children who are victims of abuse know their abusers. Therefore, do not trust anyone with your children if they’re uncomfortable with them, and be very clear when it comes to consent for physical affection.

Final Thoughts:

Consent holds a critical position in relationships as well as in each individual’s life. Consent is respect for boundaries, bodily autonomy, and the courtesy to care for another person’s comfort and mental peace. When taught at a young age to kids, they understand it better and get used to it for a long time, so applying this practice into adulthood will not be a problem anymore.

All parents need to be aware of the dangers in society and need to protect their children by teaching them these ground rules of basic decency and respect for each person through respecting and maintaining consent.

Finding a level of understanding with your teenager builds trust in the relationship, gives understanding, allows you to appreciate and love each other. Here are a few ways you can bond with your teen – some specific, some general. All of them can help you build a relationship with a young person based on mutual trust and respect.

Ways to Build a Bond with Your Teenage Son

1.      Be a good listener

Be interested in what your child says. Also, learn to read between the lines, paying attention to their tone and body language. Teenagers often have more to say than they express in words.

2.      Create common rituals with your child

If your child already has a driver’s license, you can give them a hug every time you hand them the car keys and let them go out of town with their friends. You can also agree that every Sunday evening you go alone, just the two of you, to have pizza or to the court to play tennis. Find an activity that works, where regularity is important. Your teenager will be eagerly awaiting the events he or she knows to build your closeness.

3.      Let him get the word out

If you are a good listener, your child will be happy to share their problems with you. However, the teenager does not expect you to step in and give him ready-made solutions on a tray – he will then feel incompetent and will reject your help. Rather, he prefers you to listen to him and ask the right questions to help him find a way out of a difficult situation on his own.

4.      Compassion and help

The life of a busy teenager becomes easier when they notice that it is not only them who have to pay attention at school all day, but also you who spend their evenings on their homework. Offer to review his math homework. And if you bring something to eat or drink, your teenage child will be delighted.

5.      Ask how your day was

When you ask how it was at school, you will hear a casual answer. Because the teen thinks you mean academic performance, he will ignore this standard question. Wait for him to start talking about school events himself. If they were important to him, he would certainly do so, but on his terms, that is, when he wanted and what he wanted. Listen, ask specific questions, and encourage honest answers, for example, “And what did others say about your idea?” or “Who are you spending your breakfast with now?”

6.      Hug everyday

People of all ages need tenderness and expressions of love from their loved ones. If you hug your teen and tell him, “I love you,” it is the easiest way to build your closeness. But be careful! Never do this in front of his colleagues.

7.      Participate in his life

Extracurricular activities are an important part of a teenager’s life. By showing interest in his passions, you will effectively nurture your relationships. So make time to go to a game or concert with your child. Remember, however, that you are not doing this to help him be better, but in recognition of his effort. Just tell him, “I love watching you play.”

8.      Find a balance between criticism and praise

You know your baby is not perfect. He commits and will continue to make many mistakes. However, if you talk about them too often, they will find them unacceptable, even when you declare otherwise. Better suggest to him what needs to be improved, but try to do it in a gentle way. In other words, find out what your child is doing right at the moment. What do you think will motivate your teenager to cooperate more: “Thank you so much for taking the dishes from your room and I didn’t have to ask you for it a second time. I appreciate it” or “Well, you’ve finally brought those dirty dishes from the room, I don’t know how you can live in such a pigsty!?” Try not to miss any step taken by the child in the right direction.

9.      Find a Mutual Hobby

You’re son may already have a hobby that needs your assistance from time to time.  But why not find a new hobby to do together.  Allow your son to lead the way according to his interests and it won’t hurt to suggest a few ideas of your own.  A hobby goes beyond an activity and embarks on a journey to work on something together.  Hobbies are especially ideal for dads and sons who struggle having casual conversations.

10.  Offer a car ride

In the car, let your child be a DJ. Teenagers’ tastes in terms of books, movies and music are growing and are an essential part of their identity as they form. Let your teen choose his favorite songs. Even if you are not a fan of this kind of music, you can treat his choices as reflecting thoughts and emotions, and this will become a topic for conversation.

11.  Find common interests

If your child enjoys sports, ask if you can join them. When your teenager throws a basketball in the yard – join in, even if you haven’t done it in ages. Go to the game together. It doesn’t matter if your team wins or loses, cheering will bring you closer together. And sitting together in the stands is a great opportunity to talk. You will also be great when you watch a movie together. You prepare the popcorn, it’s up to the teenager to choose the movie. But do not try to make it a Friday ritual, for example, because the child may find it an obstacle in meeting friends. Better choose another day.

12.  Create a family book club

Buy two copies of a novel that both of you may like. Find nice circumstances (maybe Saturday breakfast?) And talk about what you are reading right now. What do you think about the heroes’ choices? Would you make similar decisions? Did you anticipate the twists and turns?

13.  Offer your teen to organize a party for friends at home

… but be sure to involve him in menu planning and cooking. It’s a great way to make them learn to cook, which will come in handy when you move out, but it’s also an opportunity for your child to feel grown up and feel that you yourself would like to meet his friends as almost adults.

14.  Let him take his friend on a family outing or away

This may seem like a “family” time distraction, but it will make your teen feel like you want to have a good time and meet his friends. And conversations in such a group away from the usual online interactions are really interesting.

15.  Involve the child in household chores

Teenagers usually do not realize how much time and work it takes to take care of the house. If you say something like, “Gee, we have so much work … If we do the cleaning together, we can go faster and we can finally rest,” you will show that order is your common business. On the other hand, the more you ask for help and raise your voice at the same time, the more resistance you will meet.

16.  Have fun together

Be sure to find ways to enjoy their company. Your child will not necessarily share his vision of entertainment, so this means you need to find out what they think is an interesting way to spend their time. It may be playing a board game or going on a bike ride together.  Doing something pleasant together will increase the likelihood that your teen will want to talk to you on occasion.

17.  Learn something from a child

Teenagers want to be more mature and feel like adults. For them, it may be such an “adult” thing to teach their parents something. You will be surprised how much your child knows about things that you don’t know. Most of them are probably matters related to social media and electronic gadgets. But in class, kids can also learn something interesting. So let your son or daughter tell you about what they learned about photosynthesis or the rulers of the Roman Empire.

18.  Go camping, hiking or fishing

Without screens and coverage, you’ll be able to really chat. Whether it’s an overnight camping trip or just an afternoon excursion, outdoor activities away from technology have many other benefits as well.

19.  Get involved in volunteering

Teenagers want the world to become better, they also want to see that they can change it. If you share this concern with them, it will mean a lot to them.

20.  Don’t compare your child to anyone

It’s a simple way to frustrate your teen. The young man wants to feel like a unique individual with exceptional qualities. You notice and appreciate them, of course, no matter how brilliantly your son’s cousin plays basketball and how many sixes your daughter’s cousin has at school.

21.  Give your child a sense of freedom

Unless you have a specific reason to do so, you really don’t need to over-oversee your teenager’s actions. Even by keeping it under a shade, you will not prevent mistakes, which are an essential part of growing up. It’s obvious that you are worried about your baby, but don’t panic. Before your teen leaves home to the party, tell him you need more information from him. Ask if there will be an adult on the spot, will there be alcohol, and what to do if they feel they have overdid it. Also, be sure that he can always call you for help.

22.  Talk about dating

You probably know that today’s teenagers are getting younger and they start intercourse. Instead of locking your child in the house to protect them from irresponsible experiments, talk to your teen about dating and safe sex (yes, about that too). Try to find out what your child likes if you have the impression that the relationship is more serious. If you pretend nothing is happening, your child may become involved in a relationship that will have a negative impact on his or her future love life.

23.  Stop forbidding

The system of penalties, prohibitions and all kinds of “barriers” are in the case of a teenager ineffective educational methods. Better use your teenager’s inappropriate behavior or bad choices as an opportunity to talk honestly. Usually, a teenager behaves inappropriately because, like everyone else, he is at times emotionally agitated. Getting to the root cause and helping to solve the problem will allow him to deal with this condition much better than closing the door and throwing the keys out the window.

24.  Love unconditionally, no matter what

There is a lot you can do to build a healthy, trust-based relationship with your baby. However, you are not able to plan for him a carefree life. However, remember to love your child unconditionally and always support him, no matter what mistakes he makes – this is your primary goal.

STEM education can help your child develop strong analytic and observational skills. Even if your child does not become a STEM professional, engagement with these topics can foster a greater curiosity for the world and drive a passion for learning that can last a lifetime.

Here’s some more information about what topics and fields STEM education involves, and how you can foster a passion for STEM in your child.

What We Know About STEM

STEM stands for Science, Technology, Engineering, and Math. This is a term that was coined by Judith Ramaley in 2001 to describe an area in which science is the main foundation. These subjects are extremely important when it comes to the growth and the economic development of a country. Unfortunately, when it comes to the achievements in the STEM areas, the United States has been behind several competing countries. When a country has a strong STEM foundation, it can open the door to growth and achievement.

STEM and Children

When it comes to STEM Education, young ones must be involved. Historically, the science field has been dominated by white men. In order to make a change in the field, parents have to invest time and energy in teaching their young children about science; this is specifically the case in girls and people of color. In reality, science can be enjoyable, educational, and rewarding. It all depends on the way that you choose to teach your children. You are about to read some helpful tips for teaching STEM subjects to children.

Science

The science part of STEM includes a host of different topics such as chemistry, geology, astronomy, and biology. When you expose your children to the sciences, they may decide to pursue a career in biology, agriculture, meteorology, zoology, or anything in the medical profession.

Start out by presenting different scientific topics to your kids in a fun way. On a starry night, take your kids outside and look up into the sky. Begin by teaching them the name of the constellations. Why not purchase a telescope as well? When it comes to chemistry, do something simple like teaching your child how to make a simple volcano. There are great YouTube videos that can help with that.

Technology

Children who are interested in technology might grow up to become software engineers, coders, computer programmers, or video game designers. Something as simple as playing a video game with your children can be a start. Next comes details about how video games are created. Reshma Saujani, the girls who code founder, has innovative lessons and books for girls when it comes to coding. She offers great resources to help your daughter to get even more interested in the fun aspects of coding.

Engineering

Children who are interested in engineering will go on to work as chemical engineers, mechanical engineers, or structural engineers who build roads, create medical equipment, and operate electrical systems. Engage your children by doing DIY engineering projects with them. Build fun things with your kids; you can use blocks, legos, or even just bottles. Teach your kids that figuring out how things are made can be fun.

Math

Engineers generally have a strong mathematics background, so make math enjoyable for your kids. Instead of making math one-dimensional, use toys, colors, pictures, and cards to teach the fun aspects of math. Your kids will be learning math in school, but it is not always taught in a way that is best for every young and creative mind. Start out with things that are simple and use game-based learning to help your children to see math as something that can be simple and enjoyable.

STEM In Your Family

For educators, motivating students to explore new areas of interest and eagerly accept new ways of learning is always a challenge. As a parent, you are the biggest influence on your children’s interests. Exposing children to a variety of different subjects will enable them to be consistent and curious learners. Delve into your child’s interests and present them with games, videos, and toys that are STEM-based. We need more variety in the STEM field, and it all starts with you.

Before the world went online, children worried about being bullied at school, on the playground, or in the park. However, today’s bullies have access to mobile phones, computers, gaming consoles, and other technology. This has led to the rise of cyberbullying, and this type of digital abuse can have far-reaching, devastating consequences.

Let’s take a closer look at it and how to prevent it from happening.

Tactics Of Cyberbullies

People who haven’t experienced cyberbullying might think it begins and ends with mean comments on the victim’s Facebook profile or nasty text messages. Those are a couple of tactics used by cyberbullies, but there are many more that can gravely affect a child’s psyche.

These are the most common ways in which bullies attack people online:

• Posting hateful, nasty comments about someone’s body, ethnicity, gender, religion, race, socio-economic background, or other characteristics online
• Posting embarrassing or hurtful comments about them online
• Posting or sending them threats of violence
• Posting comments or sending messages telling them to kill themselves
• Posting humiliating or mean photos or videos of or directed at the victim
• Creating a nasty fake profile, blog, or webpage about someone
• Creating fake profiles to gain personal information about the victim and then posting or sharing that information
• Creating fake profiles to spread false information about the victim
• Doxing victims by posting personal information such as their full name, contact details, home address, credit card number, social security, and more

As you can see from these tactics, cyberbullies use electronic devices such as mobile phones to harass, mock, or threaten people intentionally and repeatedly. Victims will agree that the effects can be as hurtful and damaging as face-to-face bullying on the playground, office environment, or anywhere else.  Bullying can even be a problem in college.

Cyberbullying – The Characteristics

Cyberbullying differs from bullying that happens in person, and the tactics that cyberbullies use have certain characteristics.

These are a few of those characteristics:

Anonymity – Cyberbullying often is anonymous. Bullies hide behind fake profiles, which makes it more challenging to put a stop to them. Not knowing who is behind the abusive behavior can also make it more terrifying for victims.

Difficult to detect – It’s easier for parents to detect physical bullying. For example, mom or dad would notice if Johnny or Bailey came home from school with a black eye or a ripped shirt. It’s far more difficult to detect that a child is receiving threats online if they don’t say anything about it to their parents.

Cyberbullying is ongoing – The persistence of this type of harassment is a major factor. Rather than being limited to school hours, bullies can use their phones or other devices to attack or harass victims at any time of the day or night.

Attacks can be permanent – If others share posts made by cyberbullies, or if online content goes undeleted, their attacks can be permanent. Some social media platforms may delete abusive content if reported, but it can be impossible to track everything shared. Once something has been posted online, it’s difficult to delete it completely.

Cyberbullying can be far-reaching – Due to the nature of the internet and social media platforms, cyberbullying has a much bigger audience than bullying that happens face-to-face. Nasty posts made about someone online can reach thousands of people around the world in a few minutes.

Cyberbullying Has Serious Effects

According to UNICEF, victims of cyberbullying often feel as though there is no escape. Whether they are at home, school, or anywhere else, they know that the bully can strike at any moment. The constant threat of attack can have serious consequences.

Cyberbullying can cause stress-related physical problems such as tension headaches, stomach aches or stomach upsets, and sleep loss. It can also have an emotional impact by making the victims feel ashamed about the things they enjoy. And it can cause mental anguish by making victims feel angry, embarrassed, stupid, or upset.

Some victims of cyberbullying have been made to feel so ashamed, embarrassed, and upset that they’ve never spoken out. Of course, the bullying did not stop. It got so bad that the victims took their own lives in some situations because they could not deal with it any longer.

Parents and children need to understand that, as terrible as cyberbullying can be, it’s not the end of the road for the victim. They can regain their peace of mind and confidence again. This takes time and possibly counseling, but recovery is possible.

Cyberbullying Prevention Tips For Young People

Arguments between people happen from time to time, and they’re normal. However, if someone is repeatedly nasty to you for no fault of your own, it’s bullying. Don’t blame yourself for it, because no one deserves to be bullied.

Save the evidence of bullying. Whether the cyberbully sends text messages, posts on Facebook, or leaves nasty comments on Instagram, save the messages, download the videos, or take screenshots of the posts. Evidence may help authorities take action if you have to proceed with a bullying lawsuit to end the harassment.

Do not retaliate. Your upset or angry response may add fuel to the fire. If bullies know they’re getting to you, they’re likely to continue. If you know the bully’s identity, don’t retaliate in vengeance because that will turn you into a bully too. Instead, save the evidence and seek help.

Tell someone you trust. Even if it seems difficult or embarrassing, telling a parent, relative, friend, or teacher what’s happening can be one of the best things you can do for yourself.

Cyberbullying Prevention Tips For Parents

Follow or befriend your child on social media. This way, you can keep an eye on what they’re doing and what others are saying in response to them.

Educate your child. Tell them about not accepting friend requests from strangers, and warn against posting personal information and compromising photos online.

Learn About Parental Control Apps that are designed to monitor and prevent cyberbullying before traditional signs become visible.

Be proactive. If you see cyberbullying taking place, report the posts – even if your child is not the victim – join the fight against cyberbullying.

Cyberbullying is one of the downsides of the digital age. Victims need all the support they can get, while bullies need to learn that good people will not accept their vile behavior.