Safe Search Kids - Education, Parenting, Internet Safety for All

There was a time when bullying was something we all had to endure in school, on the bus, and hanging out with friends. It was always unpleasant. The next generation, our children, have an even worse type of bullying to deal with… and it’s so much more common than what we suffered!

About CyberBullying

Remember how frustrating it was in school when somebody was upset and reacted passive aggressively, usually by spreading a rumor? How the victim of a bully (maybe it was you, maybe it was one of your friends) would feel singled out, how hard it was to go to school and deal with the drama.

Your children deal with passive aggressive bullying all the time… because the internet brings out the passive aggressive in almost every young person. From shy kids to the straight forward, outspoken kid… cyberbullying can happen by accident. But as you remember about being the victim of a bully… the wounds never heal.

What’s even worse about cyberbullying is this. When a direct conflict among friends is resolved, you can forget and forgive the hurtful things that were said. However, you can never erase them from the internet.

With that in mind, it’s important to be very sensitive when talking about cyberbullying with your child. And yes, if your kid is using the internet than you do need to talk about this!

Teaching Your Child How To Not Be a CyberBully

As mentioned before, the internet brings out certain behaviors in young folk. Of course, your child knows not to pick on somebody in person, but do they know not to rant and rave on social media when what they say could unintentionally hurt somebody else?  You may discover they are participating in cyberbullying, even if the catalyst for it is succumbing to peer pressure and following the crowd.

Watch for passive aggressive behaviors, and teach your children to face their problems (directly) rather than taking their frustrations out on others.

If your child is 13 or younger, you should have their social media log in info, and don’t share the password with your child. This way, you can easily check in on them and you can also protect your child from being the victim of a “hacker” cyberbully by preventing anyone else from finding out how to log into their account.

Cyberbullying is even more common with older teenagers (age 14-18), especially when they have a smartphone that allows them to post on impulse. Teach them to think before they post, and make sure they understand how important it is to never post anything that could hurt somebody else… or could come back to haunt them.

Bullying and Addiction

Addiction in children has many root causes, including trauma.  It’s not always the case but when studying people who suffer with an addiction, more of those people have some level trauma in their past history or current situation than those who don’t.  Bullying at school or even at home, as well as cyberbullying through social media, can most certainly cause trauma and greatly hinder the emotional well being of a child.  The earlier it happens, the more damage can be done.  Regardless of age, kids are developing mentally and emotional well into their early twenties so a parent should not take lightly the effects a bully can have at any age.

Whether the bullying is physical, verbal or social, a turn to addiction or to any destructive behavior can happen at any time and can be a sign of something going on that the parent is not aware of.  If you notice that something is troubling your child, gently seek answers from them in order to seek solutions.  There is help from those where the major cause of addiction has been a result of bullying.  Even if you only have a vague idea of what may be wrong, seek help from a school counsellor or a professional within your community.

Cyberstalking and Online Harassment

Although we should not take lightly the seemingly innocent mild but still hurtful cyberbullying that goes on, parents should be aware of cyber trolling, cyberstalking, and online harassment that takes bullying to a new level.  These represent insidious manifestations of digital aggression, where individuals exploit online platforms to intimidate, monitor, or torment others.

Victims endure psychological distress, facing constant invasion of privacy and fear for their safety. Such forms of online abuse take cyberbullying to new level of severity and underscore the urgent need for robust digital policies and parental vigilance to protect against darker facets of the internet that cause persistent harm and can be very dangerous.  Parents should document evidence, report issues to social media platforms, notify the school, and involving law enforcement authorities.

What To Do If Your Child is the Victim of a CyberBully

Be the parent that a child can feel comfortable talking to if they are being harassed or directly attacked online. Be kind and understanding, and be sensitive to their needs. The rest is really up to you, as a parent.

If the harassment is severe enough, you can involve other authorities (the school or the police.) As you may remember, this could backfire on your child so it shouldn’t be your first choice. One needs to evaluate closely determine the immediate and long term effects of the bullying your child is enduring.  If the bullying has started over personal drama, discuss with your child whether or not they should confront the person in real life and come to a resolution. Do not “feed the trolls” or respond to cyberbullying online… bring it back to real world interaction.

To protect your child from becoming the victim of a cyberbully, encourage them to make friends with other children who are kind and respectful. Teach your children that friends who are always “surrounded by drama” can be dangerous… you never know when you’ll get sucked into it!

What can a child or teen do to empower themselves against a cyber bully? Have them read our article on CyberBullying: for Kids and Teens.

Legal Steps to Stop Persistent Bullying

When a bully simply will not respond to advanced by parents and teachers to stop bullying or cyberbullying, there are legal steps once can take.  Additionally, parents can explore their rights under anti-discrimination laws that protect against bullying based on certain characteristics such as race, gender, disability, or religion.

In situations where bullying crosses the line into harassment or discrimination, parents can file complaints with relevant authorities such as the school administration, local education agencies, or even the Office for Civil Rights. These entities can investigate the claims and take appropriate action to address the discriminatory behavior, ensuring a safer and more inclusive environment for all students.

Legal measures should not be the first course of action, but rather a last resort when other interventions have been exhausted. Communication with school administrators, teachers, and counselors are crucial for resolving bullying incidents. However, becoming aware of the legal options available equips parents with the knowledge and tools necessary to protect their children’s rights and well-being effectively, even when the first common signs that your child might be getting bullied become know.

By taking proactive legal steps, parents can reinforce the message that bullying is unacceptable and that they will take all necessary actions to ensure their children’s safety. It is through a combination of preventive measures, supportive environments, and legal interventions that we can collectively work towards eradicating bullying and fostering a culture of respect, empathy, and kindness in our communities.

Bullying in School and on the Playground

While cyberbullying can be much more invasive by allowing bullies to virtually enter your home and harass your child online, we must not forget about traditional bullying in school hallways, the lunchroom, on the playground.

Whether ‘on’ or offline, parents who know the signs of bullying in their child’s behavior can be proactive no matter what form it takes.

Red flags to look for and what to do with aid your bullied child (Infographic)

How-to-Aid-Your-Bullied-Child
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This infographic was created by Kids Car Donations, a local car donation

Once upon a time… kids would have to go outside to play a game with friends, get up to change the TV channel manually, and would have to walk 3 miles to school—uphill, both ways. A little further down the road, kids have access to newfangled technology and their parents are struggling to keep up with it all.

If you’re the parent of a teenager (or even an almost-teenager, tween) you may already be familiar with the pressure but still the the numbers are still shocking:

• A whopping 77% of teens (between the ages of 12 and 17) own a cell phone.
• Furthermore, 56% of tweens (ages 8 through 12) own a cell phone!
• 75% of teen drivers admitted to texting while driving.
• 28% of teens admitted to sending inappropriate pictures via text.
• A large group of parents were asked what age would be appropriate for a child to get their first cell phone. 22% of those parents felt that 10 was a good age!

So if you haven’t been asked the following question yet… get ready, it’s coming very soon.  There are a lot of options regarding phones for kids to ease them into the world of cell phone use. You may even want to do some research before you hear that inevitable request:

“Mom/Dad, Can I Have a Cell Phone?”

In all honesty, it becomes harder and harder to say no. We all remember being on the other end of “but everyone else has one!” and how frustrating it felt when your parents didn’t understand. So, we try to understand because we remember feeling excluded from their generation, and we don’t want to put our kids through that same torture.

Most parents will set forth ground rules similar to giving a child a puppy (remember when that was what they wanted?!). Here’s a sample:

Cell Phone Contract for a Teenager:

• I do not own this phone. My parents are awesome, and they are giving me the privilege of using this phone.
• Nothing is free. This phone, and the ability to use it, costs money. I will work hard to earn this privilege.
• (Prepaid phones / limited texts are a good idea for teenagers.) I will not exceed my limit for monthly calls or texts.
• I will take care of my phone. If I break it, I have to replace it. If I lose it, I have to replace it.
• I will adhere to all instruction on how to use my phone safety.
• I will never use this phone in an inappropriate way.

More specifically, I will never use this phone to:

Send a mean or hurtful text. If I have a disagreement with somebody, we will talk face to face.

Talk or text after 9 PM.

Have inappropriate text conversations.

Send or receive inappropriate images.

Follow policies regarding cell phone use in school.

Talk or text while driving.

If I decide to put a lock screen on my phone, my parents will know the password or code. My parents will have access to all of my phone call history and text message history.

{Parents} agree to respect my privacy and will only use their rights of access if I have shown suspicious behavior.

I understand that this phone may be taken away if I am on it too much, or if I express negative behavior including talking back or failing to keep up with my chores.

If my grades drop, I will lose this phone until I have brought my grades back up.

If my phone has the ability to surf the internet, I will use a Safe Search Engine.

These are sample items that you may use or modify to create a cell phone contract with your teenager. However, it doesn’t stop there.

As parents of a teenager with a smart phone, you are responsible for:

• Restricting the amount of time your teenager spends on his or her phone. This includes calls, texts, and data usage.
• Encouraging activities that will draw your child or teenager back into the “real world” so (s)he is more attentive of his or her surroundings.
• Understanding the features on your child’s phone so you can answer questions and offer guidance.
• Updating the privacy settings on your child’s phone.
• Understanding how your child is using their phone, so you can keep an eye out for suspicious behavior.
• Enforcing the rules.

In the end, you are the parent. Unless your teenager has a job and is paying for his or her own phone and phone bill, you should have full control over the situation. Don’t be afraid to put your foot down and revoke– or deny– the privilege until your teenager shows full responsibility on their end.

Safe Internet Use on Smart Phones

*The ability to browse the internet (for tweens and teens that have access to the internet on their cell phone) opens up an entirely new area of safety concerns. Not only can kids search the web more discreetly, most parents do not view this activity as of much of a risk as they do allowing their kids to search on a regular computer. The fact is, the dangers are just as real and even worse when you consider that with a smart phone, kids can search the internet outside of the watchful eye of parents while using their cell phone in school.

We have a safe search tool for kids. It is an app version of safe search for phones that automatically ensures safe search is on.

Download the KidzSearch app for iOS devices or Android devices.

KidzSearch also available on Kindle Fire / Amazon.

Having your tweens and teens agree to use this version of search will automatically ensure safe filtering is always on. That said, you still need to set up guidelines that allow you to view history on their phone when needed, as well has having them promise to not delete their history knowing you may look at it.

An open conversation about all of these issues is vital to instilling responsible behavior from kids of all ages. To explore internet filtering with more parental controls, which can also be activated on smart phones, explore internet filtering software.

Policies on the use of cell phones in school vary. While most schools have thorough written policies in place regarding the use of cell phones by students, these guidelines are continually being reviewed, revised and updated on a regular basis for a variety of reasons.  The pervasiveness of of cell phones within every age group makes regulation ever changing.

The other reason why the ideal balance of cell phone use seems to be a moving target is because schools are introduced to new and improved solutions, as seen in other schools*.  But one size fits all does not seem to work. Schools are as individual as the students they service.

Issues Regarding Cell Phones in School

With added cell phone features becoming standard, such as photo and video cameras and recording devices, educators face new issues that did not exist a few years ago. Issues of this nature were first addressed with high school students, and in recent years students using cell phones in middle schools needed guidelines. Today, we see that even elementary schools are now part of the cell phone debate.

The debate over cell phone use in school is no longer about whether or not these devices should be allowed on school premises. The fact of the matter is, parents expect to be in contact with their kids before and after school, as well as during lunch hours for those kids who leave school grounds. The cell phone may also facilitate students in planning after-school work and other activities, such as sporting events.

Is it reasonable for educators to expect students to turn in their cell phones at the door and pick them up when school is over? Requiring kids to leave cell phones in the lockers also increases the risk of theft on a larger scale.

Since students are not prevented from carrying cell phone on their person, the risk of camera phones being used to take photographs of quizzes or exams and transmit them to classmates is of greater concern, not to mention the ability to text or instant message other students. In addition, pictures may be taken at home of notes that can easily be hidden within a phone and later used to cheat on an exam.

Protection of Kids from Cell Phone Abuse

While restricting any use of a cell phone in the classroom is just a matter of common sense, policies around cell phones in school revolve around ‘how to control cell phone use’ during those times throughout the school day when kids are roaming free, such as before school, at recess, lunch breaks and after school class hours.

The fact of the matter is; the smartphone has been an extension of oneself in so many ways, kids and adults alike. How often do we decide to go off the grid and run to the grocery store without our phones?

Camera phones can be used to take embarrassing photographs of classmates in private areas, such as restrooms and locker rooms, and share them with others electronically or posting videos on YouTube. This technology raises legal issues of privacy and harassment.

Cyberbullying also becomes more of an increased issue with access to social media sites, not to mention the distraction that social media and texting can pose to educational process for any child.

Should Cell Phones Be Banned from Schools?

Cameras on phones can have educational benefits, giving students the ability to record field trips or school events, to enhance reports with visuals, and to develop photo essays. We have also mentioned the benefit for kids and parents to be in contact with each other, even if to only schedule pick up times. Therefore, the impact of cellphone bans must be carefully considered.

Smart phones also give students easy access to the internet, which can be a benefit for research (replacing the use of a computer within the school) but can also open up potential concerns about cell phone safety for kids who are out of the watchful eye of their parents.

The use of cell phones by teachers is also part of many school policies. The main concern is whether cell phones should be used during school hours for personal business and therefore distracting teachers from their duties. How much of a distraction is it from offering students their undivided attention in the classroom or during the supervision of an exam.

Should Schools Allow Cell Phones?

Pros and Cons of Cell Phone Use in Schools

There was a time when “not in school!” was an important rule set for teenagers or children and their cell phones. Things have changed (rather quickly) and cell phones are now welcome in many schools… with some guidelines, of course.

Why cell phones in school is a good thing:

• Smart phones can help students get more organized in school.

• Bringing a phone to school lets children communicate with their parents if they need to stay after or have forgotten something at home.

• Personal phones can be used in the event of an emergency or accident.

However, there is an even longer list of reasons why cell phones in school is a bad thing.  A few of those reasons include:

Negatives of Cell Phone Use by Students

• Cell phones can be used to cheat in class.

• Cell phones can be a distraction in school, even in emergency situations.

• Cell phones can be used for bullying, including taking inappropriate or unwanted pictures and video.

• It can be very challenging for a teacher or school staff to closely monitor each student and ensure that school cell phone policies are followed.

It is unhealthy for a child or teenager to depend on their cell phone for entertainment, or excessive communication with others when they should be focused on school work. Safe practices while searching the internet are just as important on a phone than when using a computer.

Disciplinary Action for Cell Phone Misuse by Students

Any school policy regarding cell phones in school must also include disciplinary action for various activities involving cell phone use that is contrary to existing policies laid out. There should be set consequences that match the severity of the misuse, as well as reoccurring violations by an individual student or group of students. The most common repeat offense seems to be cell phones ringing in the classroom because a student forgot to turn their phone off.

What Parents Can Do To Teach Teens About Cell Phones in School

Since school policies have approached this topic with an open mind, it’s up to the parents to make sure your child will follow the guidelines. This means showing responsibility when bringing a phone to school. It would be unfair to expect your child to leave their phone at home (since they are allowed in school) and having a cell phone can be helpful in case of an emergency.

Check with the school to find out what the policies are, and use your best judgment to add your own expectations. For example, some schools may allow students to have their phones on during lunch or between classes, and you may not agree with this.

The trick with cell phones in school is that students should not leave valuable property in a car or locker, because it could get stolen. So it is up to the student to be responsible and leave their phone turned off (not just on silent) during class.

So as the parent, you can watch to see how “addicted to their phone” your child is, and at your own discretion determine if the benefits are worth the risk.

*New Innovations to Control Cell Phone Use in School

To solve the problem of phone security, the cell phone pouch is now being used by some schools.  The problems it solves are numerous.

• Phones stay with the student but are locked so student is unable to use it. This gives the child peace of mind that the phone is still safe them.

• Furthermore, phones can easily be unlocked by the teacher if the child needed to access it in the case of an emergency.

• Children who have increased anxiety because of a dependence on their phone will be more relaxed in class knowing their phone is still on their person.

Here’s how the phone pouch works, as reported by NBC News:

Reading Resources for Parents at Home:

What age should you give your kids cell phones?
What to do when your kids are the only ones without cell phones?

Talking to teens about internet safety can often be frustrating, especially if they pretends to listen, giving one word responses at the right times. For that reason, the first tip for talking to a teenager (about anything) is to make it a routine.

If you truly want to have meaningful two-way conversations on a variety of topics, including the short term and long term concerns of posting pictures online, laying the proper ground work is essential.

Open Conversation About Posting Pictures

It can be weekly, or monthly, or as often as every day after dinner. Families that “enforce” open conversations are more aware of what’s really going on with every family member, and that’s important. Discussions about online safety for kids doesn’t have to (always) center around extremely sensitive, awkward, uncomfortable, or otherwise personal topics. In fact it will feel easier to talk about anything when your family has a routine of open conversation.

Some general guidelines to follow include:

• The dinner table is a good place for casual family conversation about almost anything, but avoid topics that are too personal or uncomfortable while eating. Use these times as a good starting point to learn what your kids think and feel about various topics.

• Open conversation should take place in a relaxed and comfortable environment. However, nobody should be distracted… and that means you should not have open conversations while driving or with the TV on.

• During open conversations, everybody should have their cell phone off or in another room. This includes you!

• Give your teenager your undivided attention. Ask open ended questions that can’t be given a short answer. Wait for an answer, and listen.

Above all else, having an open mind as a parent is crucial. Your teenager must feel comfortable talking to you, without fear of repercussion, or she will only give you the parts that she feels are safe to tell you.

Be Easy to Talk To

It’s frustrating when you try to talk to a teenager who won’t say much to you, but is always texting on their phone. Surely she has something to say… why are they so aloof with you?

Before you go blaming the phone, ask how difficult it might be for your teenage daughter or son to get your undivided attention. Remember that you have a lot on your mind too, so sometimes you might be too distracted and equally difficult to talk to.

Then there is the parenting style you follow. Parents who say “No, because I said so” are less easy to talk to then parents who say “No, because {explanation}.” Although your teenager is still a child in your heart, you are still raising a person who has reached a point of independence that you aren’t happy about. It shows, but there is nothing you can do to keep her a baby forever.

Make Them Laugh

The tough conversations are even tougher with a teenager. Teens know that babies aren’t brought by a stork, and at least one of their peers probably already has one on the way. When having a tough conversation with a teenager, you want to contribute information from a different perspective while also gaining an understanding of where they are coming from.

While being a good listener, you must also understand that this conversation is a million times tougher for your son or daughter to be having with you. Consider how awkward you feel bringing it up, and multiply it by infinity.

The most helpful thing you can do is set the tone to ease their discomfort. Use humor to make them laugh (but not humor that will only make her more uncomfortable!) and your child will be more likely to relax and open up to you.

Talking About Posting Pictures Online

This might come as a shock to you, but many teenagers can be reckless with the photos they post online. This is particularly true of girls. They want so badly to be seen as mature adults—and as attractive females—that they will share pictures of themselves that are various levels of inappropriate.

Did you know that pictures you share online can be traced to your location, even if you don’t tag it on Facebook? (You can start with that too, maybe even share an article that talks about how location services in smart phone cameras place a stamp that can be used by computer-savvy web users to find out where a person is located.)

The important thing is not to go through your teenagers’ social media page without her permission and comment on pictures belonging to her or her friends. (A teens privacy on Facebook is up to each parent’s discretion and it may be as easy as ‘being friends’ with your kids on Facebook so they know you expect a certain standard of conduct). Raise awareness about various issues regarding social media and plant the seed of a new perspective.

Note:  It is perfectly okay to inform your daughter that her genuine smile is much more beautiful than “duck lips”.

The point is that you aren’t entirely in charge of the conversation and shouldn’t try to stick to one point. Encourage your daughter to participate by asking her opinion on inappropriate pictures (where does see the line drawn?) or finding out what she knows about geotagging.

Rather than taking the cliché paranoid parent approach, talk about posting pictures online as a casual conversation. You’ll get the answers you want, and it will give you both a chance to learn from each other.

Pictures Never Lie

Pictures say a thousand words, or so the saying goes. And pictures never lie. However, a picture posted in the wrong context and twist the truth. News stories on television and the Internet are not complete without an image and personal profiles seem empty without a selfie. People trust a picture. But should they?

You can get a better understanding of how editors and website managers pick images by performing a simple experiment.

Take out your phone and turn on the camera. Set it to record a selfie video. Then take a moment, prepare, suck in a breath and record yourself singing the national anthem.

Put your heart into it. Sing with strength and feeling. Then save the video and take a bow.

Now sit down. Pick an emotion: anger, love, envy, shock, happiness, sadness. With the emotion you decided on in mind, watch the video. When you see an image of yourself that matches the emotion you picked, pause the video.

If you were making a post on your social media page about your emotion, you could use that picture to show how you felt. But you know that the picture is simply one note sung from the national anthem.

Posting Pictures on Social Media

Again, thinking about your social media page, go through the video, imagining which screen capture you would use as a profile picture. Some images show you with your eyes half-closed. Some show you with your mouth open like a fish.

If you were being mean to yourself, you would post the pictures that make you look like you just woke up.  Using advanced photo shopping software, you can enhance your photos before posting them online.

That happens every day in editorial offices. Public figures like your favorite singers, movie stars and government officials are always being photographed or caught on video.

If an editor wants to show that singer, star or official looking funny or heroic or attractive or strange, all he or she has to do—is pick the right picture.

Like you singing the national anthem, every person in the public eye can be seen with eyes half-closed or looking angry or strange.

Some editors use photo shopping software to make people appear the way the editors want them to look.

Editors of fashion and celebrity magazines are notorious for changing faces, slimming down figures or smoothing rough spots on the celebrities they like.

There are many famous people you probably wouldn’t know if you met them on the street because all of the pictures you’ve seen of them have been changed.

Pictures never lie?

Maybe the photographs don’t lie, but sometimes the people who pick the photos do.

Read how to post photos safety online – Part 2 Updated.