Safe Search Kids - Education, Parenting, Internet Safety for All

Her alarm goes off – much too early. She was up texting with her girlfriends into the early hours of the morning, stifling her giggles so mom and dad wouldn’t hear. She didn’t want to miss a single confession or inside joke, not to mention the late night activity on Twitter and Snapchat.

There are just as many posts after bedtime as there are during school hours, and she would feel pretty stupid at school if she missed out on something big from the night before. Drama actually happens pretty frequently online and over text when she’s burrowed under the covers with only the light of her cell phone – whether it’s an ugly feud between best friends, a rude meme about someone at school, or a nasty breakup with insults flying.

After snoozing once or twice, finally rolling out of bed at the angry threat of her mother, she stumbles through her morning routine, slowing only to double and triple check her appearance in the mirror.

She needs to look cute enough to be popular and desired by the boys; she can’t break the school’s dress code, and she also can’t look like she’s trying too hard or looking too promiscuous or else she’ll risk being called a slut. She knows what her friends say about other girl’s outfits behind their back.

She splits her attention between her teacher’s lessons and the constant stream of texts and snaps she hides under her desk. When she passes up the worksheets at the end of science class she hears stifled laughter from the punk boys behind her.

They’re always cheating off her papers and getting her in trouble. She looks down at the stack of papers in her hands to see that they also handed up a scrap of paper with a very giant and detailed drawing of private parts. She feels sick but just rolls her eyes at them, crumpling the paper into the trash can down the aisle as she leaves.

On the bus ride home from school she sits next to her next door neighbor, Summer, and they pass the time by showing each other Instagram accounts of cute boys at neighboring schools or connecting apps like Mastodon, Twitter, and TikTok. They talk about the ones they know from church or sports groups, the ones they’ve talked to through direct messages or texting, and the ones they follow but don’t actually know at all.

She’s surprised to hear that some of these boys have also asked Summer for intimate photos – she’s had a few of those requests of her own.

“Did you send them?” she asks nervously.

“Well… no. I was too scared.” Summer replies sheepishly.

She feels relief that her friend also turned down the not-so-polite request from these teen boys. She frequently wondered if any of her friends had delivered on the request.

Charging her nearly-dead phone upon getting home, she has an hour or so of uninterrupted homework before a phone-free dinner – her parent’s rule.

“How was your day today sweetie? School good?” her dad asks between mouthfuls of peas.

“It was good. Just a regular day.”

About the Author:

Tyler Jacobson is a husband, father, freelance writer and outreach specialist with experience with organizations that help troubled teens and parents. His areas of focus include: parenting, social media, addiction, mental illness, and issues facing teenagers today. Follow Tyler on: Twitter | LinkedIn

It’s critical to talk to your teen girls – and not just about their homework. Social media has turned their world into something most parents wouldn’t recognize. Talk to your daughter about her friends, which social media apps she uses, boys, drugs, and even the taboo subject of her body.

You won’t regret the extra effort, even if it feels awkward. She needs you, and those conversations, to keep her rooted in a world of confusing values and social media.

Parents can worry about a lot. Like everything else in this world, social media safety is something that the adults in your life will be wanting to discuss with you.  After all, they get nervous about their teens and younger kids on social media.  It’s like a doorway in the house to the entire world where people can come and go as they please.

(This article is for teens. Parents, read about your role in social media safety for teens).

There are many different reasons why social media can be a dangerous playground. While the horror stories all focus on kids being lured or abducted, there are far more threats that are less severe. No matter your age or sex, it is important to follow some important rules for social media safety.

Before you roll your eyes, please know these guidelines exist to protect you! It’s not about telling you what you can and can’t do… it’s about empowering you as an individual to protect you from being ripped off, bullied, disrespected, scammed, or worse while you’re just trying to have a good time online.

Check Your Social Media Privacy Settings

The best place to start to ensure social media safety is to check  the privacy settings of any social media network you are using.  In most cases, the default privacy settings will give your posts the most public exposure which can be very dangerous.

Privacy Settings Instructions for Popular Social Media sites: 

• Instagram
• TikTok
• Snapchat
• Kik
• X (Twitter)
• WhatsApp
• Facebook
• Messenger App
• Twitch
• Discord
• Roblox

Why Privacy Has Never Been More Important

If you’ve never checked or updated your privacy settings, then people you don’t even know can see your posts. Even if you think you are being careful about what you post, it’s common for teens to post sensitive information without even realizing it. It could be something as simple as an identifying background in one of your pictures… but online predators find easy prey in public profiles.

In a nutshell, keep your social profile strictly private… the best settings are where only friends can see what you post because you never really know who your friends are friends with online, so the “Friends of Friends” setting can leave you exposed and vulnerable.

But it’s not just cyberbullies, trolls and predictors that are on social media looking for trouble.  Cybercriminals and scammers that use information from social media profiles to commit identify theft or send you phishing or smishing (text) messages.

Consider Peer Pressure

Decide how much you really want to be on social media. Some people love it. Other people would rather interact with friends offline. Some platforms are more addictive than others and more harmful in other ways as well, such as how social media can affect a person’s image of themselves and their overall well-being. For teens struggling with anxiety related to social media use, online counseling for teens offers a safe and effective way to navigate these challenges.

Talk to your parents or a school counselor about how they may be able to help you fight peer pressure to join social media in the first place.  It’s ok to not have a special media profile at all or limit yourself to one or two of your favorites.

Be Cautious of Friend Requests

Sure, it’s great to connect with new people through social people… but isn’t there something suspicious when a complete stranger sends you a friend request?

Play it safe and only accept friend requests from friends in the real world.

Apart from the obvious (more severe) threats… friend requests from strangers can often turn out to be spam bots (meaning you’ll be spamming your friends). Fake profiles are also created for cyber bullying. So when a new friend request comes in, and you think you know the person, be sure to check their profile first and see if anything looks fishy.

Think Before You Post!

Your social media safety is directly related to the personal information you allow others to see.  Limit the contact information in your profile and posts. Never give away your phone number or address. Keep private information private. If you want to share this information with a friend, do it directly by phone or text.

Why It’s Important for Social Media Safety

Teenagers tend to have a reckless, impulsive approach to social media. (No offense.)

That’s why it’s important to think first before you post what you are thinking or feeling. Even though you can delete something (a post, picture, comment, etc.) you can never permanently erase something that has been published on the internet.

Social Media can effect teen girls especially because they are more apt to express their feelings, while opening the door to receive feedback about themselves. Unfortunately, these interactions are not always positive.  Teen boys tend to use social media to communicate on lighter subjects, such as jokes and entertainment.  In either case, it’s important to reserve very private and personal emotions to friends in person.

More Tips for Online Safety:

• Avoid using location services like Foursquare and disable location services on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc. when posting photos. It’s cool, sure… but it’s not necessary and the risk is greater than the reward.

• Avoid posting that you are going on vacation, or posting pictures while on vacation… until you are back home. Be also aware of the ramifications of using your cell phone at school and discuss responsible behavior within school guidelines.

• If you do meet somebody new online, never agree to meet them off line. If somebody you met online sends or requests provocative pictures, tell an adult. You have to approach online friends (who you don’t know in the real world) as a potential predator… because even if it feels like you know them; you really don’t know who they are.

Read more about Social Media Safety for kids of all ages:

Social Media Safety Tips for Kids

There was a time when bullying was something we all had to endure in school, on the bus, and hanging out with friends. It was always unpleasant. The next generation, our children, have an even worse type of bullying to deal with… and it’s so much more common than what we suffered!

About CyberBullying

Remember how frustrating it was in school when somebody was upset and reacted passive aggressively, usually by spreading a rumor? How the victim of a bully (maybe it was you, maybe it was one of your friends) would feel singled out, how hard it was to go to school and deal with the drama.

Your children deal with passive aggressive bullying all the time… because the internet brings out the passive aggressive in almost every young person. From shy kids to the straight forward, outspoken kid… cyberbullying can happen by accident. But as you remember about being the victim of a bully… the wounds never heal.

What’s even worse about cyberbullying is this. When a direct conflict among friends is resolved, you can forget and forgive the hurtful things that were said. However, you can never erase them from the internet.

With that in mind, it’s important to be very sensitive when talking about cyberbullying with your child. And yes, if your kid is using the internet than you do need to talk about this!

Teaching Your Child How To Not Be a CyberBully

As mentioned before, the internet brings out certain behaviors in young folk. Of course, your child knows not to pick on somebody in person, but do they know not to rant and rave on social media when what they say could unintentionally hurt somebody else?  You may discover they are participating in cyberbullying, even if the catalyst for it is succumbing to peer pressure and following the crowd.

Watch for passive aggressive behaviors, and teach your children to face their problems (directly) rather than taking their frustrations out on others.

If your child is 13 or younger, you should have their social media log in info, and don’t share the password with your child. This way, you can easily check in on them and you can also protect your child from being the victim of a “hacker” cyberbully by preventing anyone else from finding out how to log into their account.

Cyberbullying is even more common with older teenagers (age 14-18), especially when they have a smartphone that allows them to post on impulse. Teach them to think before they post, and make sure they understand how important it is to never post anything that could hurt somebody else… or could come back to haunt them.

Bullying and Addiction

Addiction in children has many root causes, including trauma.  It’s not always the case but when studying people who suffer with an addiction, more of those people have some level trauma in their past history or current situation than those who don’t.  Bullying at school or even at home, as well as cyberbullying through social media, can most certainly cause trauma and greatly hinder the emotional well being of a child.  The earlier it happens, the more damage can be done.  Regardless of age, kids are developing mentally and emotional well into their early twenties so a parent should not take lightly the effects a bully can have at any age.

Whether the bullying is physical, verbal or social, a turn to addiction or to any destructive behavior can happen at any time and can be a sign of something going on that the parent is not aware of.  If you notice that something is troubling your child, gently seek answers from them in order to seek solutions.  There is help from those where the major cause of addiction has been a result of bullying.  Even if you only have a vague idea of what may be wrong, seek help from a school counsellor or a professional within your community.

Cyberstalking and Online Harassment

Although we should not take lightly the seemingly innocent mild but still hurtful cyberbullying that goes on, parents should be aware of cyber trolling, cyberstalking, and online harassment that takes bullying to a new level.  These represent insidious manifestations of digital aggression, where individuals exploit online platforms to intimidate, monitor, or torment others.

Victims endure psychological distress, facing constant invasion of privacy and fear for their safety. Such forms of online abuse take cyberbullying to new level of severity and underscore the urgent need for robust digital policies and parental vigilance to protect against darker facets of the internet that cause persistent harm and can be very dangerous.  Parents should document evidence, report issues to social media platforms, notify the school, and involving law enforcement authorities.

What To Do If Your Child is the Victim of a CyberBully

Be the parent that a child can feel comfortable talking to if they are being harassed or directly attacked online. Be kind and understanding, and be sensitive to their needs. The rest is really up to you, as a parent.

If the harassment is severe enough, you can involve other authorities (the school or the police.) As you may remember, this could backfire on your child so it shouldn’t be your first choice. One needs to evaluate closely determine the immediate and long term effects of the bullying your child is enduring.  If the bullying has started over personal drama, discuss with your child whether or not they should confront the person in real life and come to a resolution. Do not “feed the trolls” or respond to cyberbullying online… bring it back to real world interaction.

To protect your child from becoming the victim of a cyberbully, encourage them to make friends with other children who are kind and respectful. Teach your children that friends who are always “surrounded by drama” can be dangerous… you never know when you’ll get sucked into it!

What can a child or teen do to empower themselves against a cyber bully? Have them read our article on CyberBullying: for Kids and Teens.

Legal Steps to Stop Persistent Bullying

When a bully simply will not respond to advanced by parents and teachers to stop bullying or cyberbullying, there are legal steps once can take.  Additionally, parents can explore their rights under anti-discrimination laws that protect against bullying based on certain characteristics such as race, gender, disability, or religion.

In situations where bullying crosses the line into harassment or discrimination, parents can file complaints with relevant authorities such as the school administration, local education agencies, or even the Office for Civil Rights. These entities can investigate the claims and take appropriate action to address the discriminatory behavior, ensuring a safer and more inclusive environment for all students.

Legal measures should not be the first course of action, but rather a last resort when other interventions have been exhausted. Communication with school administrators, teachers, and counselors are crucial for resolving bullying incidents. However, becoming aware of the legal options available equips parents with the knowledge and tools necessary to protect their children’s rights and well-being effectively, even when the first common signs that your child might be getting bullied become know.

By taking proactive legal steps, parents can reinforce the message that bullying is unacceptable and that they will take all necessary actions to ensure their children’s safety. It is through a combination of preventive measures, supportive environments, and legal interventions that we can collectively work towards eradicating bullying and fostering a culture of respect, empathy, and kindness in our communities.

Bullying in School and on the Playground

While cyberbullying can be much more invasive by allowing bullies to virtually enter your home and harass your child online, we must not forget about traditional bullying in school hallways, the lunchroom, on the playground.

Whether ‘on’ or offline, parents who know the signs of bullying in their child’s behavior can be proactive no matter what form it takes.

Red flags to look for and what to do with aid your bullied child (Infographic)

How-to-Aid-Your-Bullied-Child
Open PDF

This infographic was created by Kids Car Donations, a local car donation

Once upon a time… kids would have to go outside to play a game with friends, get up to change the TV channel manually, and would have to walk 3 miles to school—uphill, both ways. A little further down the road, kids have access to newfangled technology and their parents are struggling to keep up with it all.

If you’re the parent of a teenager (or even an almost-teenager, tween) you may already be familiar with the pressure but still the the numbers are still shocking:

• A whopping 77% of teens (between the ages of 12 and 17) own a cell phone.
• Furthermore, 56% of tweens (ages 8 through 12) own a cell phone!
• 75% of teen drivers admitted to texting while driving.
• 28% of teens admitted to sending inappropriate pictures via text.
• A large group of parents were asked what age would be appropriate for a child to get their first cell phone. 22% of those parents felt that 10 was a good age!

So if you haven’t been asked the following question yet… get ready, it’s coming very soon.  There are a lot of options regarding phones for kids to ease them into the world of cell phone use. You may even want to do some research before you hear that inevitable request:

“Mom/Dad, Can I Have a Cell Phone?”

In all honesty, it becomes harder and harder to say no. We all remember being on the other end of “but everyone else has one!” and how frustrating it felt when your parents didn’t understand. So, we try to understand because we remember feeling excluded from their generation, and we don’t want to put our kids through that same torture.

Most parents will set forth ground rules similar to giving a child a puppy (remember when that was what they wanted?!). Here’s a sample:

Cell Phone Contract for a Teenager:

• I do not own this phone. My parents are awesome, and they are giving me the privilege of using this phone.
• Nothing is free. This phone, and the ability to use it, costs money. I will work hard to earn this privilege.
• (Prepaid phones / limited texts are a good idea for teenagers.) I will not exceed my limit for monthly calls or texts.
• I will take care of my phone. If I break it, I have to replace it. If I lose it, I have to replace it.
• I will adhere to all instruction on how to use my phone safety.
• I will never use this phone in an inappropriate way.

More specifically, I will never use this phone to:

Send a mean or hurtful text. If I have a disagreement with somebody, we will talk face to face.

Talk or text after 9 PM.

Have inappropriate text conversations.

Send or receive inappropriate images.

Follow policies regarding cell phone use in school.

Talk or text while driving.

If I decide to put a lock screen on my phone, my parents will know the password or code. My parents will have access to all of my phone call history and text message history.

{Parents} agree to respect my privacy and will only use their rights of access if I have shown suspicious behavior.

I understand that this phone may be taken away if I am on it too much, or if I express negative behavior including talking back or failing to keep up with my chores.

If my grades drop, I will lose this phone until I have brought my grades back up.

If my phone has the ability to surf the internet, I will use a Safe Search Engine.

These are sample items that you may use or modify to create a cell phone contract with your teenager. However, it doesn’t stop there.

As parents of a teenager with a smart phone, you are responsible for:

• Restricting the amount of time your teenager spends on his or her phone. This includes calls, texts, and data usage.
• Encouraging activities that will draw your child or teenager back into the “real world” so (s)he is more attentive of his or her surroundings.
• Understanding the features on your child’s phone so you can answer questions and offer guidance.
• Updating the privacy settings on your child’s phone.
• Understanding how your child is using their phone, so you can keep an eye out for suspicious behavior.
• Enforcing the rules.

In the end, you are the parent. Unless your teenager has a job and is paying for his or her own phone and phone bill, you should have full control over the situation. Don’t be afraid to put your foot down and revoke– or deny– the privilege until your teenager shows full responsibility on their end.

Safe Internet Use on Smart Phones

*The ability to browse the internet (for tweens and teens that have access to the internet on their cell phone) opens up an entirely new area of safety concerns. Not only can kids search the web more discreetly, most parents do not view this activity as of much of a risk as they do allowing their kids to search on a regular computer. The fact is, the dangers are just as real and even worse when you consider that with a smart phone, kids can search the internet outside of the watchful eye of parents while using their cell phone in school.

We have a safe search tool for kids. It is an app version of safe search for phones that automatically ensures safe search is on.

Download the KidzSearch app for iOS devices or Android devices.

KidzSearch also available on Kindle Fire / Amazon.

Having your tweens and teens agree to use this version of search will automatically ensure safe filtering is always on. That said, you still need to set up guidelines that allow you to view history on their phone when needed, as well has having them promise to not delete their history knowing you may look at it.

An open conversation about all of these issues is vital to instilling responsible behavior from kids of all ages. To explore internet filtering with more parental controls, which can also be activated on smart phones, explore internet filtering software.